Tears ('cause I'm laughing so hard) for Fears

Dustin McLean, you're awesome.

Head Over Heels: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

Sorbet:

Saving me from dairy depravation-induced suicide since 2009.

#21

You could really want to see a movie, say Watchmen, for example, but every time you make plans to see it, your plans are foiled. Foiled! Like the world wants to give your plans lots and lots of highlights! Foiled!

#20

Showtime, you vagabond! Not picking up The End of Steve? Are you insane? Seriously, another network (yo, F/X, I'm looking at you, brother) has to pick up this show. And then I have to work on it. Because I don't want to keep listing all the things that go wrong. I want to list the things that go right.

Speaking of which, I need to get back on the writing wagon ASAP. It's like some jerk from the playground stole my writing wagon and put all his stupid action figures in it and hauled it around the Valley and won't give it back to me.

Mama did raise a fool, actually

I gave up dairy today. Cheese, milk, ice cream, all that stuff. Just for two months, but already I'm irritated. Actually, it's more likely my sprained ankle and probably broken toe (stupid jump roping accident, don't want to talk about it) that are bugging me, but I'm so used to dairy in everything. A burger with cheese. A salad with shredded cheese. Tacos--cheese. Sandwiches--cheese. The sheer number of calories I'm going to lose in my diet is going to be amazing. I hope. I really hope.

if it's wrong and you know it, clap your hands

19. You could finally get your laptop back and in working condition, and, with time on the buzzer of your deadline schedule running out, your pool of creativity could go all stagnant, green and smelly.

Would someone please come and pluck the algae off my brain?

so wrong, it's Wrong

16. Have you seen that Depeche Mode Wrong video? Oh, hell.

17. You could get all gussied up and head to Santa Monica for a party on a work night only to discover that the party is, in fact, the next night.

18. A car could hit yours and then park behind you and not leave a note, forcing you to call the police to make a report so you won't have to pay to repair the damage--the thing that's so bad about this is that you just bought dessert, and while you're waiting, it melts in the car.