Saturday, February 28, 2009

Rushdie hating on Slumdog

Okay, he's entitled to hate Slumdog and the book on which it was based because the story violates the oath all writers take so their readers will be able to suspend disbelief and go along for the ride...that oath being, of course, that the happy ending can't hinge on a multi-part Deus machina.

The thing of it is, though, is that very oath is the reason most of us give our books tragic endings. Happy endings in life ARE DEPENDENT on the Deus machina, the coincidence, good luck. The laws of probability, after all, work against happy endings. Misery is our lot, by and large.

And we, as a country, as a planet, needed a movie with an improbable happy ending. We've seen the dramas where the lovers don't get together in the end. It's called Romeo & Juliet. It's called Atonement. It's called every single drama ever. This was a fairy tale pretending to be a drama. Rushdie has a problem with that, fine. I loved the movie because it wasn't afraid to have its poor, luckless souls get a break at the end. It happens sometimes, and it gave me hope. That's a good enough standard for a movie as any I can think up. So there.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Boulder in sum

Not a lot of tourist action. It was more of a working trip. Slept on a pull-out couch bed, watched the finale of Top Chef (Hosea? Really? I think they need to reconsider the way they choose the winner.), and played Chronology. I am better at history then I thought, but still not good.

Had one of the best sandwiches ever at a little place called Spicy Pickle. Read a good deal of Keep Australia on Your Left, a book about an Aussie model and an American kayak store owner's son trying to circumnavigate Australia in a sea kayak. It's interesting, but far from great prose writing.

Boulder was oddly warm. But windy as frick. The flights in and out were a bit choppy.

And now back to the grind.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Indian summer...

in Boulder.


Sunday, February 22, 2009


I'm posting a bit less because I'm busy and tired and etc. I am watching the episode of Top Chef where they vote off delovely Fabio. So depressed. I just noticed Jeff works at "Dilido." Who named that place?
I for real want to go to Cafe Firenze. Fabio for Governor!

I'm going to Boulder Tuesday for a few days for "business." Am excited...but just realized that it's going to be mad cold.

So I'm on Twitter now. My slug/alias/ID is Katerbee. If you're missing me, I'm more likely to post something quick and stupid there. I can't blog unless I have meat to give. Twitter posts are spittle.

I wanna go to New Orleans.

Also, as far as the Oscars go, I was all-around pleased. I wish Peter Gabriel had been around, but everything went as it ought. And I like the new format.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


I've done it. Hurled myself off the high-dive. Not sure what's below. Could be gorgeous blue waters. Could be the toilet. And sometimes it's hard to say which is better. Sharks could be in the gorgeous blue waters. I don't know what could be in the toilet that would be good, but it's conceivable. Odds are it'll just have been into the pool in my apartment building. No change or a familiar sort of screwed.

#9 of that which might go wrong: You could learn you're a talentless hack and have to reevaluate your path in life. And what a long night that'd be, hmm?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

What I want to be when I grow up

'Yes,' continued Zazie, 'I'll be a space-traveller and go and bitch up the Martians.'

--From Zazie in the Metro

#8 of things that could go wrong: You're a Martain, minding your own business, and an odd little French girl comes up and slaps your green little face for no reason whatsoever.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Okay, so I loved Alias. At least for the first season or two. And I somehow managed to rope my much-higher-IQed roommates into loving it too. Their love far outdid my own and they continued to watch it when it got crazy and all the good characters had been replaced by Melissa George and her ilk. Anyhow, in the beginning, we were divided. They loved Michael Vartan, whose character's name I can't remember, and who, while cute, I found ridiculously boring. I, on the other hand, was a serious fan of Will's, aka Bradley Cooper. They said he was dirty. I said he was unkempt. To this day, I prefer an unkempt guy. Anyhow, I would just like to say that now, it's 2009, and I HAVE WON. Take that, TOP TWO GPAS IN OUR RESIDENTIAL COLLEGE! Who's dirty now? The guy hosting SNL and starring in the top movie this past weekend? If he's dirty, who the hell wants to be clean?

#7 Courtesy of Alias: you could marry a British woman two years after the love of your life dies, except that she didn't, and she shows up again, an amnesiac, and wondering why the hell you married a woman who she is pretty sure is evil and then, um, actually turns out to be evil. So, yeah, that sucks.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

#5 and #6

5. You could fall for a guy who is completely inappropriate for you, is out of your league, smokes, and...sigh.

6. There could be a major earthquake while you are:

a. giving birth
b. suffering from diarrhea
c. on the ramp that brings you from the 10 West to the 405 South
d. about to win your first-ever game of Operation
e. about to receive your Oscar from (whoever you fantasize about here)
f. swimming/diving
g. on an amusement park ride, specifically roller coaster or Ferris Wheel
h. landing your plane
i. getting on an elevator
j. giving/getting a blow job
k. tripping on acid under a bridge
l. feeding the sharks at the aquarium
m. hiking in Griffith Park
n. in a gas station next to a fuel truck
o. in the shower
p. landing after jumping out of a plane
q. treetrimming/in a treehouse
r. working near/on power/phone lines
s. bungee jumping
t. taking down/putting up a circus tent
u. moshing
v. kissing your dead grandfather's forehead for the last time
w. setting off fireworks
x. in the middle of giving/getting surgery/dental cleaning/tattoo
y. five minutes before that night's episode of Lost ends
z. painting your masterpiece on a rickety easel

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

oh, and #4 of things that could go wrong

In case it wasn't clear...

You could be killed in a car wreck by some jackass who was READING while driving.


My novelist/Wall Streeter friend Nick Antosca was in California this week for "meetings" and stuff. I haven't seen him in a bit, so I met up with him and some other Yalies (re: all guys) at Sardo's in Burbank for "porn star karaoke."

The bathrooms were surprisingly nice.


Dear Guy on the 405 South in the Suzuki Esteem this morning,

First off, your car has a stupid, delusional name. Second, hey, guess what is NOT COOL to do while driving on the highway? Reading! I am a big fan of reading. Hell, I read while waiting in line at the In 'N' Out the other night. But when cars are going 60 mph on the highway, it is not cool to be READING! And talking on the phone! What the hell is wrong with you? You made all the annoying "I don't signal for nobody" jerks look sane. Cut it out!

Thank you,

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


You have to be a tad bit self-centered and/or have nothing going for you in life to join Twitter. Since both apply to me, I've joined up as katerbee. If you too have a rotting soul and a mourning dove sent by Satan to wake you up 40 minutes before your alarm in the morning (assuming the upstairs neighbors' extremely loud and always-kept-on radio doesn't do it first), then you might be inclined to join Twitter and spend your day telling people in 140 characters or less "what is up" without them having to ask. Also, you can come up with irritating Twitphrases using all or part of the word "Twitter."

Hiked the top bit of Runyon today. Gorgeous view. You can see everything. Better than Mt. Hollywood (though not as hard). Didn't realize there were SO MANY HOUSES in the hills. Saw the hot reporter guy from Damages, which I am quite fond of. No shirt on (nice) and had a scary dog with him. Couldn't figure out where I knew him from--he was the guy who dumped Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. Personally, I would have preferred to see Tate Donovan. Boy, does that man improve with age.

Anyhow, Runyon's good. Next week I'll start having three day middle-of-the-week weekends which I plan to use to write like hell, read like hell, and hike my ass off. Well, not my ass. It's one of the few parts of my body that I approve of. Also, GRE studying. I think I'm finally giving in. Fall of 2010 will be my "you haven't broken into the industry at all, so you should really be doing something valuable with your time and energy." PhD will give me a break from my current loans, time to write, and summers off. I'm okay with that... if I have to be. :)

#3 of things that could go wrong: You could get a sunburn. On your scalp.
In summing up, I wish I had some kind of affirmative message to leave you with. I don't. Would you take two negative messages?
-- Woody Allen