Tuesday, March 31, 2009

if it's wrong and you know it, clap your hands

19. You could finally get your laptop back and in working condition, and, with time on the buzzer of your deadline schedule running out, your pool of creativity could go all stagnant, green and smelly.

Would someone please come and pluck the algae off my brain?

Saturday, March 28, 2009

so wrong, it's Wrong

16. Have you seen that Depeche Mode Wrong video? Oh, hell.

17. You could get all gussied up and head to Santa Monica for a party on a work night only to discover that the party is, in fact, the next night.

18. A car could hit yours and then park behind you and not leave a note, forcing you to call the police to make a report so you won't have to pay to repair the damage--the thing that's so bad about this is that you just bought dessert, and while you're waiting, it melts in the car.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Officially. It's been something of a ridiculous few weeks, and I'd like to stop having things break on me.

Spring goals: Get at least one perfect spec episode written. Finish novel and/or film script. Work seriously on new ideas. Read things I've promised to read for other people. Take GREs. Read good books. Hike more. Go to San Diego, Vegas, or San Francisco. Get a new job.

Yi-ikes. Looks like a lot, don't it?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

domestic violence

Okay, kiddos, particularly you surveyed by the Boston Herald who think Rihanna was at fault in the whole Chris Brown beating the bejeezus out of her debacle, here's something you need to know.

There are only two ways this could be Rihanna's fault. 1) Chris learned Rihanna is actually an evil robot sent from the future to kill him and was just defending himself so he could later save humanity from the scourge of machines, OR 2) Chris learned Rihanna had murdered and/or raped a family member.

Now since the two have reunited, I'm guessing neither of those scenarios took place. Hence, it was not okay, and you reading this should know that unless your significant other is either a time-traveling robot or killed/raped your mom, it's not okay to do that. If you're pissed, walk away. Stop the car and kick them out. If they won't get out, you get out. Do not slug your significant other. Do not make their face look like that. I don't care what they said or did (unless it's one of those two scenarios), it's not okay. Period.

And that's my piece.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

out of commission

is my computer.

the jack is jacked. as it were.

bought books at the dollar bookstore today. had delish yogurt at top o' the swirl.

went to disneyland yesterday. ate at the blue bayou. the chicken rocked my world.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

really real thing that could go wrong

#15. You could go over to the new ZPizza for some delicious pizza for lunch during work on Sunday and park your car in the garage that's actually for "Ross customers only" and when you get back, maybe karma hates you, but your car won't turn on. So you call your coworker who has cables to come give you a jump, but when he gets there his cables aren't long enough (yes, I get this sounds like a euphemism) because the hood of your car is in a difficult place to reach (seriously not a euphemism). So he gives you a ride (okay, that is a euphemism--no, no, it isn't) and you remember you have Chevy Roadside Assistance (GOD BLESS THAT!), so you call and have to walk back over to the garage where you parked, which is over a scary-ass bridge, and the tow guy gives you a jump and tells you to keep it running when you get back to work.

BUT you accidentally turn it off when you get back to work and have to call 'em back. And this time you run it for the 1/2 hour the guy says, but when you turn it off, it dies, of course. So you have to call FOR A THIRD TIME. And this time you just drive home, which takes 20 minutes, and you leave the car running in the garage for an extra 40 minutes just for good measure. But when you turn it off IT'S DEAD AS LOUISA MAY ALCOTT.

So you get up the next morning at 6:00 AM and call CRA for a FOURTH TIME and get a jump and drive to the Chevy dealer a block from your work and give it to the dealer to fix and turns out, after 15,000 measly miles, you need a new battery.

Damn, yo.

Also, songza.com I love.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

grammar thing that could go wrong

#14. You could go to a Farmers Market, thinking you can buy vegetables or fruit, but, oh, no, they're selling farmers! Beware the missing apostrophe! Beware!

Dark Knight

Finally, finally saw The Dark Knight. A lot of people love it without reservation. I liked it a lot. It's true, Heath Ledger's performance was all that and the kitchen sink. A total transformation. I truly believed he was someone else. But let's be honest about the movie as a whole. It goes on way too long. The beginning with our dear blue-eyed Cillian Murphy was 110% unnecessary. The ending was also a drag. A long drag. The ferry thing could have been bigger, more aggressive. And why was Harvey killed off? That's a whole other movie. The problem, really, was that this was two movies in one and there were too many "big" scenes. Too much action.
Also, Batman is something of a bore. We care more about the villains. It's no good. I'm starting to grow impatient with Christian Bale's movies. He either is attracted to movies where he's allowed to be remote, or that's all he knows how to do anymore. I love him and don't care about the blow-up, but he's far from a chameleon. I'd like to see him smile and it feel genuine. That would be great. Or be a villain. I feel like he'd have a knack for that.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

lots of things going crazy awry

I kind of sucked at keeping up on things that could go wrong, so here are some pop culture and personal ones.

#10 You could be asked to be engaged on national TV, and then have the guy TAKE IT BACK on national TV later.

#11 You could have a woman with Teri Hatcher's voice kidnap your parents and try to make you sew buttons in your eyes.

#12 You could have your roommate send your blood pressure through the roof because she was adamant about moving and nowhere is as nice and cheap as where you live. Luckily, she changes her mind, but not before causing irreparable damage to your chi.

#13 You could not win $200 million in the lottery.
In summing up, I wish I had some kind of affirmative message to leave you with. I don't. Would you take two negative messages?
-- Woody Allen