Monday, May 19, 2008

but I am a Net watcher (seriously, one of Sandra's most entertaining flicks)

I'm not a networker. Strangers, in general, throw me for a loop. They have these whole lives, and in a couple of minutes, what I'm wearing and what the humidity's doing to my hair and how he knows that guy over there in the corner throwing himself against the wall is supposed to decide whether my life and his life is gonna intersect or just glance off each other. That's a lot to ask. Too many permutations lost as soon as it's over, and I worry. What if I just missed a turn in the road? What if that was the person who was supposed to be important in my life? Why is that guy throwing himself against the wall?

Also, once I've met someone and made myself out to be an idiot, I can't undo that. Public meetings are bad because often the person I'm meeting is far drunker, higher, or cooler than I am, and I am immediately on guard and thus, judgmental, shy (which always seems standoffish), or making lame jokes (trying too hard). Emails are even worse because it's hard to find the line between eager and insane, passionate and obnoxious, curious and needy. In stories, you can give little physical cues with the dialogue. In scripts, you can actually write (eager, but not so much so that it's off-putting). In a first-person email, I can't do that. I mean, I could, but, um, that would probably not have the desired effect.

Anyhow, I apparently managed not to mess up for once this weekend. Hoorah! Now onto further impressions in which I must get over my social anxieties, chill, and try to be "relaxed Kati" instead of "nervous and discomfort-inducing Kati."

Heavens to Betsy.

Um, so I had this dream last night that may or may not have had to do with a discussion with an almost-lawyer friend of mine regarding particle accelerators, dragons, and unicorns (it was a question of odds of events occurring -- unknown unknowns). She was anti-unicorns and dragons (even if the dragons happened to be cuddly), but we both agreed that if a black hole were to eat up the Earth, it wouldn't be the worst way to go (fast and with all your friends).
And then I had this dream last night. I can't remember all of it, but it involved a castle (damn you, Desperate Housewives?), and it was crumbling apart. I went to find some missing horses, and saw that their throats had been slit by rock chunks of the castle.
Then I headed towards the zoo (don't ask), where a bear (I think it talked) barreled through what appeared to be a forest of sprouts at me. It didn't manage to eat me, but it bit off a snake's head. And then another snake came at me. I think. It's all starting to fade.

So good things. To all those people who've been awesome to me recently, thanks for using your powers for good.

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In summing up, I wish I had some kind of affirmative message to leave you with. I don't. Would you take two negative messages?
-- Woody Allen