Do you prefer rocking chairs or chairs that simply stand there, motionless and, let's be honest, kind of snooty?
Don't you think your oeuvre's a little small and insignificant to warrant a Nobel Prize?
Kierkegaard: bitch or son of a bitch?
How do you conceal all that dandruff when you're on location?
As a Republican do you actually drink the blood of little children or just gargle?
Is it true that all your colleagues hate you because you have a tendency to throw drinks in their faces at release parties you weren't invited to in the first place?
That half-sulfuric, half-skunk smell, is that coming from you?
Why do you think knocking up that poor actress and then leaving her for a supermodel hasn't visibly damaged your career?
Where did you buy those clothes, Sux Fifth Avenue?
Seriously, where did you get the drugs you were taking when you decided to star in Death to Smoochy and how much did they cost? You know, besides your dignity...
How do you not see how ugly your children are? Are you sure they're yours?
Have you actually listened to your music? Don't you think God's kind of pissed at you for all this "bitches" and "ho" stuff you keep singing? When you go to hell, who would you like to room with?
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