Wednesday, June 11, 2008

itsy bitsy rant

To "celebrate" Jumper's hop onto DVD, decided to list 17 sci-fi misfires (including Jumper), including to my shock, Jurassic Park and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. First, Jurassic Park rules. It's just awesome. What's not awesome about it? The EW criticism? "There's not much movie there." Um, what does that mean? Were their chunks of the "reel" missing in Bernardin's version? I mean, what the heck? It stuck pretty well with the book, except where the parts where it was EVEN AWESOMER.
And then The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Bernardin praises it, but then writes it's a misfire because "it's missing some of the somber giddiness of Douglas Adams' prose." Yes, without somber giddiness (which is...?), the film is no longer a deeply enjoyable movie. What the heck?
My theory... Bernardin either hasn't watched that many sci-fi movies that disappointed him or he didn't have expectations for any of the others. If he had, would he not have done a normal number, like 20?
I mean, you want a disappointing sci-fi movie that you expected to be good but sucked? What about The Phantom Menace? You had no high hopes for that? Or did you like it? Or did you not see it? Because, honestly? Honestly. How you can call Jurassic Park and Hitchhiker's Guide misfires and forget about Star Wars I (or, like, a good many other sci-fi pics) is beyond me. In a galaxy far, far away.

Also, since Television Without Pity ain't doing it, I think I might make it my thing to recap My Boys every week this summer.

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In summing up, I wish I had some kind of affirmative message to leave you with. I don't. Would you take two negative messages?
-- Woody Allen