The Oscars.

I'm quite tired. And it hasn't even started yet.

8:30pm And here we go... "The Nominees." Oh, Peter O'Toole cracks me up. Ryan! Clint! OK, Inarritu is cute. I still think his movies are all the same. "Killed as in murder or natural death?" "I'm here for The Queen" Peter Morgan's a doll. Oh, Eddie! See that guy thought shorts are wonderful! "I'd like to thank me, but I wouldn't dare!" OK, that was a wicked cool montage. Nice they didn't just highlight the actors.
8:35pm All the nominees are standing. OK, if I were there and not a nominee, I'd stand anyway. I mean, how hard is it to just stand. Come on, Clive. Stand. You know you want to.
8:36 Velvet, Ellen? Velvet??? Wait, wait, it doesn't matter. Jack's bald. Jack Nicholson is BALD.